We were inside a dimly lit gym. Whistles and other players shouting made it almost made it almost impossible to hear yourself think. I almost did not hear my coach tell me it was time for me to enter the game. As I stepped on to the volleyball court, my teammates sighed, the players on the bench lost hope; the other team knew they were one step closer to victory simply because of one weak player, me. I cost us the first few points and immediately sunk into a mental state that brought the whole team down. I did not want to do this anymore. Sometimes in life, the greatest challenges we face in life are with ourselves.
After the season that had been riddled with mistakes, horrible plays, and me, always standing on the court with a look of sadness, I wanted to quit. My friend begged me to give myself a chance. I wanted no part of it, I hated the game, I hated the team, and I hated myself when I was on the court. My friend told me I had two problems, first of all, I had to work on my skills, secondly, I had to have confidence and not get down on myself when mistakes are made. I thought about what he had said for a few days. I decided to give it a shot.
My journey to reinventing myself as a player began at the Baden Cup tryouts. Baden Cup is a volleyball camp held each summer by the best coaches in British Columbia. As I arrived in the massive gymnasium, I almost trembled with fear as I realized I would have to play against these players, who seemed to be as tall as mountains, who were the best players in the province. Suddenly, I felt sick. The realization that I would be playing with and against these players hit me harder than a punch to the gut from a professional boxer. Butterflies filled my stomach, and negative thoughts raced through my head faster than a drag racer. I wanted to pack my things and just walk out the door and never have to face my fear. Then, I saw the friend who convinced me to give myself a chance and I forced myself, unwillingly, to be positive. I told myself to go out there and just try to have fun. The tryouts were about to begin, nervous thoughts began racing through my head, I feared I would just make a fool of myself. Fortunately, the tryouts began before I had the chance to contemplate leaving. The first few drills the coaches had us do were quite simple; I performed well. As the day progressed, so did my confidence. When we were given a break for lunch I typically began to doubt myself, but after an encouraging conversation with a few other players, I assured myself I had played well enough to earn a spot at the camp.
The second half was to be composed only of games. After a while, the tension and sadness that others had been accustomed to seeing on my face was gone, I was smiling. I was having fun again. At the end of the day, my hopes had been realized as I had been chosen to participate at the summer camp.
At the camp, I took the last few steps to the halfway point of my journey. I received fantastic coaching and my skills improved. I now had one half of the assets I needed to become an elite player.
The second stage of the journey was to improve my self confidence and attitude on the court. This obstacle would have to tackled during the school volleyball season. I concluded that to improve my self confidence, I would have to enter an environment in which I was not already comfortable. For this reason, I decided not to tryout for my grade's team, but the senior team. They had been champions of Richmond the previous year. At the first try out, they were all having fun, reminiscing their championship. My throat felt as if it was in the midst of the drought of the 1930s, my palms were sweaty, and I felt embarrassed for even thinking about making this team. Just like at the Baden Cup tryouts, I would have to overcome these feelings, relax, and play my best. At the end of the tryout, I was critical of myself; I did not play my best.
That night, I could not focus on homework, eating, or talking to my parents, even watching t.v. was impossible. Obviously, sleeping that night was going to be an issue. I tried to close my eyes and drift into a distant dream; it was not going to happen. Each time slumber crept up on me, thoughts regarding the tryouts and my performance shot into my head like bullets. It was a long night as the gun shots refused to cease.
The next morning, at school, my friends wasted no time telling me I looked like a zombie. I told them about my trouble sleeping the night before. Then, I learned the team would be announced at lunch. The first classes of the day seemed to last an eternity. I managed to get through them with every word spoken by teachers and classmates peacefully passing by my ears not entering the battle taking place in my mind. Finally, lunch time. I raced to the board where the team list would be posted. Success. Finally peace was achieved in my mind. My name was part of the list.
Although we had limited team success during the season, I had changed. I had the skills, I was enjoying every minute of every game, I wanted the ball to come to me, I loved being there. I was no longer the target for the opposition's serves and my team wanted me to get the ball. I had confidence and the right attitude, these roadblocks had been destroyed and the end of the journey was in sight.
The final leg of the journey was pulling all these things together and playing well for my club team.
During the provincial championships, in a huge building, with more noise than an elephant on a jump rope, I had my opportunity. With the game on the line, all of our parents in the stands were holding their breath, there were no substitutions this time. I was already on the court, focused on the game. My teammates on the bench were filled with hope, cheering us on, anticipating a win. As I looked at our opponents, it was like looking into the past and seeing myself last year. We made them feel down and not confident as a loss was upon them. I, on the other hand, was confident and enjoying the game. I had become an elite player and leader on my team. I was even given the captaincy. I had become the player I wanted to be. The journey was over.
I wanted to give up on myself multiple times, but I fought myself and forced myself to be positive and continually fight off negativity. As a result, I became better than I could have ever imagined. It was not easy as I had to overcome several obstacles, but I overcame all of them including the largest one; myself.
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